It's Me Kelest

Nobody Knows It But Me
Babyface

I pretend that I'm glad you went away
These four walls closin' more every day
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm cryin' inside
And nobody knows it but me

Why didn't I say
The things I needed to say

How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is just a tumblin' down
I can say it so clearly
But you're nowhere around

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me

I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm tremblin' inside and nobody knows it but me

I lie awake it's a quarter past three
I'm screamin' at night as if I thought
You'd hear me
Yeah my heart is callin' you
And nobody knows it but me

How blue can I get
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle
It's been torn all apart
A million words wouldn't say
Just how I feel
A million years from now you know
I'll be lovin' you still

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me

Tomorrow mornin'
I'm hittin' the dusty road
Gonna find you whereever,
Ever you might go
I'm gonna unload my heart
And hope you come back to me
Said when the nights are lonely

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me

Sunday, October 29, 2006
11:55 PM

Half Half...~

Time is passing without mi knowing...it's been 2 months already...maybe i've been looking too hard..it's been 2 months onli...it's 4 more months to go dear..~hang on there..~~it's coming to the 4th visit now..~i think it's on the 1st of november..~this coming wednesday..~i think the best thing so far is the letter message from dear...it is the best thing and the onli one that made mi smile so wide in a long long time..~thank you dear...thank you jess..~~i wonder...juz wonder...how dear is going to be like this wednesday and if she does say anything...what will she say...~i hope she receive some letters that i sent after the last visit..~and that she will a little little things to say to mi...but again..juz hope...~most of all...i juz hope that she's alright and she's holding up...~i'm juz feeling half half today...nothing seems to be complete today...all i can think about is dear...i miss dear so much so much so much...i love you dear...i love u very very very much..~~

Written By Hazel

Saturday, October 28, 2006
3:46 AM

Letter Message To..Me..~

I've juz received a mail from Jess...~Dear has received some of my letters..~~and she has written a small portion of her letter to mi..~~!!!!hahaa...i feel like diving right into my next letter now...~picking up the pen and start writing..~but i got to hold it till tomorrow..~but i've so many things to write now already..~so many things that i wan to tell her...and so much thanks that i wanna tell Jess..~~Thank you Jess..~~~~at least dear got a few of my letters...~but it's still the incomplete set...i'll keep on writing...hope that she'll start receiving more and more letters...i also wrote my address on every single letter since the last visit...but she will onli receive it about today or later..~i'm single...no gf...i'm sorry...sorry for the things that i do..the stupid things that i did...letting dear go...and i'm realli hoping that dear will come back to mi...i realli hope u can come back to mi dear...i know by the time u are reading this blog entry..it'll be a long time from now...but i'll still mean the same thing and it'll never change..~if u could still be considering it..pls come back to mi dear..~i don't know what else i could write here for now..coz i'm juz too happy...and i'll wan to write the letter first...i'll be back soon to write the next entry again...~

I Love You Dear..~~I Love You..~~

Written By Hazel

Friday, October 20, 2006
1:20 PM

Keep Writing...~

I'm going to keep writing...it's not going to stop mi or what...i didn't try so much to stop now..no one saw this coming..God sneezed..i'm not going to let everything juz go like that..it was no one's fault other than mi..Dear is still waiting for more letters and her days are still hard to pass..everyday is still going to be the same..coz for the past 2 months..nothing has changed...

i have to pick myself up...it's juz a few letters..juz have to start where i left off...i'll rewrite some things that i wrote in the other letters so that dear will be more updated or will not feel weird when i talk about some things...it's juz a pen and a paper...they are going to make a big difference to dear..no price and no time too great to use...

dear..pls wait for my letters...i'm still trying...don't give up on mi...and ur postcards are coming too...~i've got some realli cute ones for u...~if u didn't get the baby's ones..i'll try again...i'll try harder..~

I love you very very much dear..~

Written By Hazel

Wednesday, October 18, 2006
9:43 PM

God Sneezed..~

i guess God sneezed...and i was slapped right in the face...what do i do now...~

i received the postcards that i got from ebay for dear..it's from The Dog collection..8 of them in all...

Nothing in my mind except for the words i wan dear to hear...I love you...~

Written By Hazel

What am i suppose to do now..

Juz got to know that dear didn't received any of my letters at all..i don't believe it...but truth is forever this sharp and hard...i guess it's juz mi again..it's always been mi...and i thought Mr Silly is silly...now i know Mr Stanley is silly...the most silly one...it's juz me...i brought it upon myself..i guess i'll juz have to restart all my letters again...i feel like a fool...all i wanted is to not let dear be so bored..but i ended up doing the opposite...y...

i called the place and enquired..they said all lyrics are rejected..i think jokes are rejected also...and i'm not sure what is rejected also..i tried asking..but the personnel got annoyed even before my second question...she said juz normal things will do...what are normal things..~?if 0 letters reach dear...their rules muz be really strict...so many things that i wanted to tell dear in all my letters all will be held till the end of her term...what will be the point of her getting to read it onli after 6 months...everything would have worn off and meaningless after so long...what am i suppose to write now...it's so stupid of mi..i'm like the kid...a helpless kid stuck in the middle of nowhere..

there are so many things that might have meant something if dear read it back 1month ago...but i think it's too late...what am i suppose to write now...?i'm starting from nowhere..i couldn't find where to start after thinking about it for a whole day..what do i say to dear...someone pls scold mi...and get mi out of this situation..coz i'm dumbfolded... x(

Written By Hazel

Sunday, October 15, 2006
7:13 AM

Always Trying..~

Well...at last i've done up dear's blog..it's totally baby's blog..whole thing is baby..hahaa...hope dear will like this one...~i spent a straight 6hours planning and doing out the whole thing...took mi quite some brain juice to get it to work..in fact..i spent a XL pail of brain juice..wow huh...lolz..but luckily i pulled it off...the background is from one of the postcards that i did for dear..juz did a very very little bit of editing..the rest is all calculations and looking at codes and words..hasn't sleep since last night after i got home from writing my letter at coffee bean and a interaction corner near my house..then i worked from then 1.30am till now..

The pictures...first one is the file that i use for putting everything that i use to write my letters..and u can see the postcards through the cover..and the chinese lyrics..there's quite a few of them inside..juz in case i don't have any when i need to write my letters...kind of copy one lyrics full song for dear behind every letter that i send..so she could recall some songs if she's realli bored..all the songs that she knows..so it'll be juz nice for her..hahaa..~

The second one is a postcard that i found on yahoo auctions...it's like a postcard posted to mi..unsignificant to anyone else..but it maybe mean something to dear..and to mi it means realli a lot...something that may make dear smile...hahaa...hope u do dear..~!! :)

The third one..the postcard revealed..a cesar postcard..er...it's not about the cesar..if i could i'll liquid-paper away that thing...hahaa...coz it gives the wrong idea if u know what i mean..but it'll spoilt the whole postcard...heez..~onli things i'll put on the postcard is dear's name, her message, the address, and the most important thing..the passport of the postcard..The Stamp..~

-The Republic of Cesar Postcard Senders-

***The Sender of this postcard requests all authorities to allow this cesar postcard to be sent respectively without delay or hindrance and, if necessary, to give all assistance and protection.***

Lolz...anyway..i need comments or ideas for this new blog design..if anyone of u is reading this..please please please tag it on the chatterbox..~?thank you..~! ;P

Written By Hazel

Thursday, October 12, 2006
11:43 PM

Sometimes...

Sometimes..i feel so sad..so cropped up in everything..when i don't know how u're feeling..i don't know how u are..i don't know almost everything..i wish time could pass faster..i wish i didn't have to go through those days that i need u like i need the sun in the day and the warmth in the night..i feel so stressed up about nothing..there seems to be nothing that i should be stressed up about..but stress still comes creeping into mi..i miss u so much everyday..and u are on my mind all day..i feel like someone who's praying alone..how long can i hang on to this prayer before i break down in tears..i'm sitting in a room with 4 walls and nothing else..closing in on mi everyday..the onli one who is opening doors is you..but all i have are memories of u..i was told that it will feel like that..but i never knew that it was so much for mi to take..even the strongest man give way to love..even the strongest man kneel down in the grasp of time..even the strongest man lose his pride to tears..deep within a room where no one else rest..a man kneels quietly..eyes closed..tears flowing..where no one could see..where onli God and him knows his secret..the secret of love..

Written By Hazel

Tuesday, October 10, 2006
12:48 AM

Keeping dates...

Everyday passes so quickly when i look at the calendar of mine..eahc day i post out a letter..count the number of letters and make markings on the calendar of mine..when i look back..it looks like juz a short time..but it never was easy to get through each day..it's not the letters..it's not the writing..it's the thought of dear that makes each day slow down to a halt..when i think of her..the world feels like it stopped revolving..the more i wish for the day to come..the slower time seems to pass...it muz be juz mi......coz the rest of the world seems to be undisturbed by mi...if i had juz one wish.......

I miss you dear...~~

Written By Hazel

Sunday, October 08, 2006
2:05 AM

101 Dalmatians Postcards...~

Well...i did a little shopping for postcards on friday when i got to know that dear wans postcards..hard ones...i realli didn't know where to find them until my colleague told mi some shops that sold them..they were all movie postcards...hope dear wouldn't mind about it..101 Dalmatians, Chicken Little, Madagascar, and Brother Bear...all animals..~~!!dear kinda likes animals...so i juz thought of animals while i was choosing...i call jess for some help..but she didn't realli know also...so...here i am...i know dear loves dogs...so 101 Dalmatians is the biggest catch this time..it's realli an old old old movie...and i found the set of postcards in an old old old shop...even the shop keeper looks old old old..it came in a set of 28 postcards...all Dalmatians...hope it'll be juz nice for u dear..~i've already started mailing them to u dear..u'll be able to receive them soon..~~Hang on and give it a little time dear..~~ Love you very very much..~~ ;)

Written By Hazel

Tuesday, October 03, 2006
12:16 AM

Age Is A Funny Thing

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?... "I'm four and a half "... You're never 36 and a half... you're four and a half going on five!

That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16.

And then the greatest day of your life happens... you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony... you BECOME 21.. YES!!!

But then you turn 30... ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk... He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now.

What's wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40... stay over there, it's all slipping away...

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50... and your dreams are gone.

Then you MAKE IT to 60... you didn't think you'd make it!!!!

So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60... then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!

After that, it's a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday... You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch. You TURN 4:30, my grandmother won't even buy green bananas... it's an investment you know, and maybe a bad one.

And it doesn't end there... into the 90's you start going backwards... I was JUST 92...

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again... "I'm 100 and a half!!!!"

Written By Hazel

Monday, October 02, 2006
2:27 AM

In the middle of the night..

Why does it ache so much in the middle of the night..why is my heart so sour...it's 2am in the morning..monday morning..and all i should be doing right now is resting my head on the pillow..deep in my sleep..but memories and thoughts awake mi..they run like the wild..spreading and bringing memories and heartaches to mi..i have a major event in 6hrs...and all i can think of is u dear..i still can't fall asleep..it's cold in my room..cold in my bed..even when my blanket is covering me..no..it's not the aircon..no i'm not falling sick..it muz be my heart..it's not doing its job..it's not beating right..the cold is not coming from around mi..coz i'm feeling cold inside mi..is it loneliness..?being all alone..?juz mi..?no matter how i couch...no matter how i try to keep myself warm..i juz feel the cold inside of mi..i wish i could cry..i wish i could juz close my eyes and never feel it again..but it's not going away until u are here to hold mi close..it's cold...it's so cold...........

Written By Hazel

Sunday, October 01, 2006
1:38 AM

Project Baby

Dear's missing baby very much...and we're all doing what we can do get baby's pictures to her..we've got the postcards ready for the next visit..but jess received the postcards and said that it doesn't realli look like postcards..not sure if it'll pass the system or not..and if it doesn't pass it..the next time we can try anything will be in another 2 weeks time..well..i tried another stunt..putting baby into a stamp..well it should look more casual to the people there..but this is the onli thing left to do i guess..or else the last resort will be putting baby into a magazine and giving it directly to dear..but that'll realli take a lot of work..or tricks to pull it off...well...i hope the stamps one work though...dear..we're trying...trying all we can..hang on there my dear...~

i love you...~

Written By Hazel